FROM THE SOUL MOVEMENT HUB
This week’s question comes from Marlene Mitchell, Certified Aromatherapy Teacher from Canada; aromatherapyinstitute.com
Question: How can I politely, professionally and successfully handle others who do not give back and just take unnecessarily?
Tal’s Guidance: Marlene, firstly I want to thank you for your question. This is such an important ‘issue’ for so many of us and naturally has many layers we can potentially address.
For today, I will address the one that immediately surfaces for me…. and that is the area of boundaries: how we relate to and set boundaries in our business and life?
Consider this….
Would you open the door of your home to any stranger who walks by? Do you invite people into your home who you know are out of integrity and would have no qualms stealing your belongings? Do you go to sleep with your doors and windows open at night? Moreover, when you send out an invitation to join you for an intimate gathering, would you send it out to “anyone in the world who wants to attend” ?
The same principle applies to your business and relationships. Are you clear about which people you want to serve? Are you clear what you are willing to give away and what you are not, be it in the form of your products, services, time, money or energy? Are you clear about those areas that are “deal-breakers” for you and those where you are willing to compromise and be more flexible?
You see, YOU are the one who needs to take responsibility for what you are willing or not willing to allow into your “energetic field”.
It requires that you begin closing the ‘windows and doors’ to your energetic home so that YOU have more dominion over who (be it a person, quality, behavior or thing) enters and who stays out. If you don’t, you will most likely feel invaded and ‘taken advantage of’. When we subconsciously allow ANYONE to enter our energetic space without even having to knock or ask for permission to enter, we are at the whim of another person’s agenda, personality and behavior – a sure recipe for triggering most anyone’s “victim” mode!
So, how do we become conscious and responsible guardians of our sacred ‘inner space’ and begin to set boundaries that honor our true essence and needs?
Well, the process of “boundary-making” is twofold:
First, it requires that we take inventory of that which we intend to allow into our inner home and that which we intend to keep out – emotionally, mentally, behaviorally and physically.
Once we have completed this process (and again, this is an ongoing process, not a one time event) we have to be willing to practice “standing behind” that which we have identified or clarified. In my experience this is where the rubber hits the road and precisely when it is crucial we practice saying “no” and be willing to deal with the unresolved subconscious material that will most likely surface as a result.
In other words, in the process of “boundary-making”, all those dynamics that kept us stuck in our old ‘mode of being’ in the first place, will surface to be dealt with and healed. This is the part where I highly recommend engaging the support of a coach, therapist or mentor to help us stay on track with ushering in our new reality.
So, to get you started with the first phase of “boundary-making”, I invite you to download the BOUNDARY MAKING EXERCISE below , one I use with my private clients to help them identify what they intend to allow into their ‘inner home’ and that which they intend to keep out!
I remind you to be gentle with yourself as you begin activating the practice and process of “boundary-making” .I suggest you begin by choosing only ONE behavior, request or quality (etc,) that you intend to say “no” to in your business or life, and then to back it up with your committed action.
It can take only one thread to fray an entire fabric.
This topic is one that is so important to master if we desire to do big things in this world.
So please do share your comments, epiphanies and personal experience with “boundary-making” IN THE COMMENT BOX BELOW.
I truly value hearing from you!
From my heart to yours,
